26 July 08 - 20:33Warning - Self-esteem is about to crash...
QUESTION:
I was interested in finding a girlfriend when I turned 18 last year November. I have made a few mistakes where i was rejected and I did not know why. I did some research and read many books but am still unsuccessful. This is really messing up my self esteem. I am very good looking. Not that I'm bragging, but I am told this by many of my sister's friends who are 26 years of age and over.
To get to the point, I feel that reading these articles makes me feel insecure as if I require help, like a crazy person seeing a psychiatrist. and as a result girls can sense it somehow. How many mistakes do I have to make (roughly) until I get a girl?
Thanks
D
CARLOS WARNS OF AN IMPENDING SELF-ESTEEM CRASH:
The funny thing is that most guys out there assume that if you'regood looking, you've got it made with women. As you can tell, this just isn't so.
You're ...
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21 July 08 - 23:46Why do Nice Guys finish last?
Let's leave women out of this discussion for a minute. Just for a little bit,
anyway. Have you ever wondered what it is that a successful guy has
that the "average" guy doesn't? And I'm not talking about the obvious
tangible things, like money, or a nice car, or a house. Those are not the
cause, they're the EFFECT. The personality traits that a dominant man
displays are what give him the success he enjoys, both psychologically as
well as financially. (And yes, those things - money, car, house - translate into
success with women, but not in the way that you think. But wait, I said
I was leaving women out of this for a minute...)
I personally started
out very low in the pecking order. I was what you would have considered a
"Nice Guy." I was easygoing. I liked to keep things cool and mellow. You
know, where you can keep everyone getting along with each other. I wasn't
very Alpha. Conflict just makes things more difficult, right? ...
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20 July 08 - 02:40This is the most useless habit....
A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them - which is actually the combo of ego amok and low self-esteem. Or worrying about problems that might arise which is only useful in context of strategic planning and proactive prevention.
This is an important lesson to you when you're out there trying to talk to women and get this part of your life under your control. Worrying is the most USELESS mental effort you can expend. It accomplishes NOTHING. Usually worry immobilizes us so much that we even fail to PREPARE when we know there is a chance of the thing we're worrying about coming true. Remember what I say about worry:
90% of the things that you worry about NEVER happen. And 90% of the things that happen to you never give you the chance to worry about them.
And re-read Dan Kennedy's statement once more:
"A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them - which is ...
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14 July 08 - 23:01Alpha Tips of the Month
This month's tips are basically advice from my mentor Dan Kennedy;
Tip 1: "We cannot allow the worry of distractions to become the bigger
distraction than the distractions."
Tip 2: "A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what
others think of them - which is actually the combo of ego amok and
low self-esteem."
12 July 08 - 18:11Can women really sense if a man is desperate?
Have you ever had someone tell you to just "BE" a certain way? Maybe they said to just "be" happy. Or maybe they told you to not "BE" so serious. I always found that kind of advice annoying because I was already stuck in that state. Don't they think I would BE another way if I
could? It's like telling me to NOT be such a thinker. I'm hard wired that way.
But when it comes to being "hungry" or desperate with women, you have to understand that you're not hard-wired with this. It's not your identity. And you do have a path to NOT being this way if you want to change it.
Here's a question that I got recently from a reader;
QUESTION:
I totally believe in the concepts and basic principles you have put forth but it boils down to this: Yes, things come to the people who don't expect them or need them but in order to give of that vibe you truly must be in that "zone" truthfully. I have not dated or gotten laid in the past seven ...
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09 July 08 - 20:33Myths About Women You Need to Know
How Often Do You Find Yourself Saying: "I Wish I Knew How To attract the ladies and get more dates?"
If you're like most of the guys I know, it's often. More often than you want to admit. We go out on "dates" with women, hoping that if we PROVE ourselves to them in some way, they'll be interested in us and attracted to us. And time after time that just never happens. The date ends with a hug or a quick peck on the cheek, as she tells you, "I had a really nice time."
If you've been put on the defense in this dance of romance, you can never really stop worrying, and your attitude will communicate things to a woman that will ultimately drive her away. What I want to do is take a few minutes here and destroy some myths about women and men and get you started on the right path. Let's start right away with:
MYTH 1) Women want what they say they want.
It's a shame we have to cover this one, but it bears repeating. All you ...
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07 July 08 - 20:59Are you making this mistake when you talk to women?
QUESTION:
Hi
Carlos,
Your materials have been useful so far and have been helpful in reducing approach anxiety and being a more confident alpha male. I have a little dilemma though, I was talking to a girl I met at a train station and it was going quite well until I asked her name which is a little test I do because if she asks me my name after I ask hers then that means she is interested to some degree.
It's also one you suggested using in your Advanced Coaching series which works quite well usually. She would not give her name and said 'I was too forward and it was a woman's prerogative' [to give her name, and] then asked me where I was heading to, she was interested otherwise she would not have asked me.
If I had answered I could have failed her test so asked her to answer my question first and then she seemed to lose interest so I said 'pleasure meeting you' and she was rude so I went on to talking ...
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06 July 08 - 13:44How to establish inner confidence..
02 July 08 - 20:41Rant about bad boys
Attention all intelligent men, there is a crisis at hand -
beautiful eligible women are being swept away by beasts masquerading as
real men. Women are often attracted to "bad boys" because they are
aggressively pursued by them...What
women want is to be wooed and wowed by men. Unfortunately, too many
women are falling prey to these "thug loves" who usually end up
abusing them emotionally and sometimes even physically.
These so-called "bad boys" are
winning women over simply because they are assertive, confident, cocky,
and competitive. In of itself these are not bad
traits, but mixed with the definition of a bad boy: selfish, dishonest,
arrogant, abusive, and irresponsible, these guys are creating a whole generattion of "wasted women" who are messed up mentally and physically.
The bad boy
image is not something that men should strive to achieve. Once you're
labeled as a bad boy, it's a hard persona to
shake. ...
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02 July 08 - 20:14Do you freeze when you approach women?
QUESTION:
Hey Carlos,
So I finally decided to take this thing seriously because I feel I have hit a boiling point. I am 20 and I feel that I am just bulls***ting by just reading your stuff but not doing anything. So I found a wingman, and decided that this Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I was going to hit up the clubs with my wingman.
We really have no particular goal in mind, other than just getting out there and trying to approach some women. We did drink a little (not a good idea...i know) and I started just approaching random girls. One thing though that I have noticed that I feel is holding me back tremendously is my anxiety.
I feel almost too anxious to talk to girls. I seriously try to force myself and sometimes I do approach, but sometimes its just too damn hard. When I have been approaching I have been getting mostly the cold shoulder and I just walk away or something. ...
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19 June 08 - 02:34Alpha Tips of the Month
Tip 1: Women really admire a man for his ability to accomplish things in his life.
Being an Alpha Man means that he shows ambition and strength.Tip 2: Women and men are very different in their communication style.
Women need to hear things in emotional terms, and men want in
fact-based communication.
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Learn conversation confidence with women � from Carlos Xuma....Feed Shark
05 June 08 - 16:43Welcome to Alpha Seduction!
If you've been around the seduction arena for a while, I'm sure you are familiar with Carlos Xuma. If this is your first encounter with the world of seduction, then even better, because this blog will save you a lot of grief that you might go through with the so called PUAs and their unpractical techniques.
Carlos has a unique perspective on how to be successful in dating. His Dating Dynamics Program is different in that it emphasizes on building your character and personality rather than learning cheap pick-up lines or lame routines.
In this blog, I will share Carlos' philosophy of an "Alpha Man" and how you can use his techniques to not just become an attractive man, but also build a charismatic personality and be a better person. Stay tuned!
