Are you making this mistake when you talk to women?
QUESTION:
Hi
Carlos,
Your materials have been useful so far and have been helpful in reducing approach anxiety and being a more confident alpha male. I have a little dilemma though, I was talking to a girl I met at a train station and it was going quite well until I asked her name which is a little test I do because if she asks me my name after I ask hers then that means she is interested to some degree.
It's also one you suggested using in your Advanced Coaching series which works quite well usually. She would not give her name and said 'I was too forward and it was a woman's prerogative' [to give her name, and] then asked me where I was heading to, she was interested otherwise she would not have asked me.
If I had answered I could have failed her test so asked her to answer my question first and then she seemed to lose interest so I said 'pleasure meeting you' and she was rude so I went on to talking to a different girl and making her laugh.
She definitely proved that she was not someone I wanted to meet up with again but am curious as to why she seemed fine at first then switched suddenly when I did what was supposed to pass one of her tests. So am a little confused if she was truly having a bad night then she would not have let me speak to her in the first place. This is not the only time something like this happens usually about one in five women will do something like this.
Craig, UK
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Ah, at last! A technical question!
I have to admit, at heart, I'm a bit of a technical
guy. I came from an analytical background, and I still enjoy breaking
down the theory of the "game" for
you in great detail.
So what happened here? Let's review it briefly:
1) You approached and asked what her name is.
First of all, you get an A+ just for doing this much. Most guys have difficulty
in getting past that mental hurdle of walking over and talking
to a woman.
I want to congratulate you first on that, because if nothing else you should
come away with a sense of victory. I'm even more flattered that you got
past this hurdle using my program. Well done.
2) You used some strategy on her to to find out what her interest level was.
Again, good job. You asked her what her name was first to gauge her interest
in you. There's only one problem here, and I'll explain it in a minute.
3) She asked where you were headed, but NOT because she was interested.
Women often ask men questions that SEEM like interest so that they can boost
a guy's ego a little or take a little bit of the sting out of what is actually
her rudeness. It's a distraction AND it was an attempt to help you. That's right. She was trying to help you get back on track.
I'll explain this after number 4...
4) You ended the approach on a right note.
No matter how well it goes,
or how bad it goes, you must re-frame the meaning of the event to your
benefit. (Without going into denial, of course). You went on to approach another woman and give her some
fun and laughs. Now
THAT is how you build a connection
with a woman (and how
you handle "rejection.") I'll bet that your mindset after you moved on
put you into a good state where your intent was to brighten someone's day,
and that is exactly what you must do.
Very often guys get really hung up on this concept
of women "testing" men.
In fact, it's not really a "test" in the classic sense, and that's
where a lot of guys go wrong. Especially if you listen to a lot of the
bad advice out there. She's not "testing" you when she refuses
to give you her name, she's COMMUNICATING something very important to you. She's communicating that she needs to TRUST you.
In this case when she refused to give you her name,
she was actually not feeling the level of rapport and trust
she needed to go further.And then she deflected this apparent "rudeness" by
asking you a question to distract you - or to get a conversation going
that wasn't an attempt at "pickup." She was probably helping you
right then. She was saying with her actions:
"Please talk to me about
something normal, and give me some information so I can trust you enough
to give you my name... and maybe my number later.
Now why didn't she have trust..?
Because you asked her too soon in the conversation. There's no way a woman knows the second you walk up if
you're someone she can trust enough to tell you her name. In fact, if you
force a woman to make a decision too soon, your answer will almost always
be NO,
as you found out.
When you use my tip about asking a woman her name, you do it AFTER you've
had some conversation and built a little interest on her part. If you ask for something too soon, it's like a car
salesman walking up to you on the lot and saying, "Hi, my name is Dan.
Nice car, huh? Hey, can you give me one of your credit cards so I can see
if you're really interested?"
Instant blowout is impatience in the recipe. Give up some information on yourself and build
a little trust and rapport in the conversation. This is especially important
in what we call "day
game" or approaching women on the street. It's unfortunate, but most guys don't even realize that this is the EASIEST
way to meet women.
REMEMBER: You have to give a little to get a little in the social marketplace.
Too many guys run around looking to GET when they should be looking for more
ways to GIVE. We are all self-interested, and women are no different.
When it comes to getting her trust, you must give her some trust and make
the exchange more about interaction on an emotional level than you are about
just "pickup."
Sure, you can use a clever line or opener, but every woman out there knows
about them and how it all works. That's why I teach you how to present yourself
as the Alpha Man with confidence and POWER. And it's all YOU, my friend. The REAL you!
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