Q&A lesson to discuss how to approach women...
QUESTION: At lunch yesterday I saw this really great looking classy girl. She was obviously having lunch with some co-workers, as was I. We made eye contact a few times and exchanged smiles.
How does one go about approaching her? If she "separated from the pack" I could have maybe done something. Is this a lost cause for future encounters of this type?
CARLOS ANSWERS:
Ah, the old "get her away from the pack" question. This is probably one of the most common dilemmas for guys, and it's very discouraging because of the supposed risk of embarrassment. No, it is never a lost cause. Remember, every situation can be handled if you stop and plan in advance. We're human beings - and problem solvers.
In the situation you were found yourself, this gal gave you some definite indications of interest. When you make eye contact and get a smile, you should move in immediately. For every minute you wait after this point, her interest in you drops by 10%. You're probably wondering, "But don't I need to wait until I get a convenient break from the herd?"
1) The "convenient" break will probably never happen. Remember, Alpha Men don't wait for circumstances; they MAKE them.
2) If you wait, you'll end up lowering her interest, because you won't look confident as you hang around skulking and waiting for your ideal window of opportunity. The Serengeti is full of tigers that will pounce on their prey if you won't. The longer you wait, the more likely you'll starve in the singles' jungle. (And the faster she thinks: "Wimp.")
3) If you wait, your inner LoserBoy will start discouraging you. Loserboy is that voice in your head that undermines your success so
you never have to risk losing - or winning. The two of you can sit at home watching re-runs of "The X-files" and drinking old beer.
He'll turn you into a chicken by whispering dis-empowering messages to you, like "Nah, she's probably already taken," or "She just
wants to eat her lunch, not meet a possibly interesting guy." Don't give Loserboy the chance to start talking.
So, how do you introduce yourself without feeling like an intrusive dork?
If the group she's in has more than one female in it, your best option is always to use a wingman (a friend who can help break the
ice for you.) Coach one of your friends in advance and have them ready to fly intercept for you. Here's a low-risk option: Have the waiter bring over a note saying something like:
"Hey, I know you're with friends, but if you'd like to make another friend, step away for a second. Don't make me come over and start singing to you." Unless she's terminally shy, she will more than likely step away. No need to get clever with your introduction when she comes over.
Here's one that works for me: "I don't normally interrupt people during lunch, but I just had to give you the pleasure of meeting me." (Give her a playful smile.) "What's your name?" Wait for her to ask you for your name, as this is a key indicator as to whether she's interested in you.
Remember that a teasing and cocky attitude is necessary because it helps communicate your value as an Alpha Man. You need to communicate your confidence and independent posture to her so that she understands you're a real man, not a wimp that will bore her
after the first date. Women want men with a sexual charge about them, and are turned off by "nice guys" who can't muster the courage to go after what they want.
End the tease with a smile to show her you're just kidding around. If she gets indignant or weird, you excuse yourself and move on, because you've just discovered that she's probably insecure and bitchy. But more often than not, you'll now find yourself in a conversation with a hot woman.
Congratulations!
End it quickly with the "Well, I have to get back to my friends. It was nice talking to you." Then you hand her a pen and tell her to
write down her email or phone number. Don't ask her - tell her, and she'll give it to you. Remember, Subscriber: If she's interested, she doesn't care how you introduce yourself, just as long as you do.
With a little understanding, you can improve your confidence going into situations like this, and that specter of rejection will leave you alone. It ALWAYS loses its sting the more you face it and put it into proper perspective. Abso-freakin-lutely, guaranteed. Which leads me to this: You know that women are getting more and more picky about men, and they can sniff out inferior guys with just a whiff of your confidence.
And to stand out you MUST have the edge on the other guys out there. You need to be a REAL MAN, not this sissie-fied cartoon man that
the media sells you. Get the women YOU want. Not the one you had to SETTLE FOR. There are so many things you have to have down pat in the singles world. Like, how do you NOT screw it up in those vital first couple minutes of meeting a woman?
BE the kind of man they are waiting for. That's all they ask of you. I've worked for years to break down what it is that women are trying to tell you with their behavior, and finding out the hard way why being a "nice guy" is dooming you to failure. You need this knowledge and understanding. When you have that knowledge, you can make better choices and demonstrate better behaviors.
My e-book -THE DATING BLACK BOOK- will help you get all of that and then some...
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