How To Improve Your Dating Skills Dramatically
Very few guys wonder how I got all this information on women and dating. They just want the strategies and an understanding of how it all actually works. Actually, mostly WOMEN wonder how I got all this inside information on how they work. When they discover what I do as an adviser, the first question they ask is, "How did you learn all this?" My first answer is: "YEARS of pain and suffering!"
I don't say that this pain and suffering was created by women, because it really wasn't. I created it myself by interacting with women without having a clue about what was going on. Most guys do this same thing, creating more pain for themselves than they need to. It's as if you walked onto a field to play with 250 lb professional athletes in a game that you know NOTHING about. You don't know the rules of the game or how the score is kept or ANYTHING. Most people would call you insane for going out there to play without at least having a basic understanding. And yet this is what guys all over the world are doing when it comes to dating women.
But I'm getting off track...
What I want to tell you about is that there are two ways of learning a new skill in life, and I'm about to tell you how they work. Once you understand these principles, you'll have an idea of how I'm able to help so many guys get things turned around with women. And in case you're wondering what makes me different than "all those other guys out there," it's this:
I learned this stuff the HARD way.
I didn't go out and interview another "expert" or do any "boot camps." (Though, looking back, it would have been nice if these were around, but I still probably couldn't have afforded it at the time). I didn't go out and get a bunch of seduction e-books because there weren't really any out there. Just a bunch of crap from "experts" with titles and no ability to get women at all. They were all logic and no reality. I don't know about you, but I hate reading about the way it "should be" when I know dating doesn't work that way. It's the most useless kind of advice.
I guess you could say I'm one of the few remaining "first generation" guys out there that had to learn these things from scratch. I created my own dating "school," in a way. My dating class schedule was like this:
- Go out every weekend, make lots of mistakes...
- Go out on speed dates, make lots of mistakes ...
- Go out on dates from the Internet, and personals - and make lots of mistakes
You can see that my education was comprised mostly of mistakes at the start. But even when I made a lot of mistakes, I got a few girlfriends out of it. I started connecting the dots of my experience into a picture that made a lot of sense. So back around to how you learn things in life. The first way to learn is simply this:
1) Get as much experience as you possibly can - good AND bad.
I went out and threw myself into the mix as fast as I could, because I knew that the sooner I got started, the sooner I would be a success. It really is that simple. We only make it complicated by imagining all these horrible consequences that never happen. 90% of success is just getting started. I used to work with a financial adviser back when I did sales and investment planning, and he used to say, "Forget about doing everything right. Just get in there and make a mess. I'll clean up after you. You just go get busy."
What he meant was that most people are ALL talk and NO ACTION. They'll tell you for days and days about how they're going to make a million dollars, but you never seem to see them WORKING on it. Go out there and make a mess. Having too much action going on is a GOOD problem to have. The second way to learn is this:
2) Get as much knowledge and understanding as you can.
Really, you have to be doing #2 right along with #1. If you try to get every possible bit of information on the subject, you're really suffering from paralysis of analysis. That's where you spend more time trying to learn than using what you learn because a part of you knows it's easier to keep telling yourself that if you just get ONE MORE STRATEGY, you'll have this thing figured out, rather than go out and take a RISK. This is similar to perfectionism - the neurotic need to do things perfectly. Perfectionism is really a performance anxiety that allows you to avoid taking risks by needing to get things "perfectly right" all the time.
Now, knowledge is vitally important because if you don't try to learn anything new about what you're doing, you're like a chess player that knows how to move the pieces (rooks move in a straight line, bishops move diagonally, etc.) but you have no idea how to make them work together to WIN THE GAME. You learn how to make them work together by reading about famous strategies of great chess players, and playing the game yourself. And by combining these two methods together, you become a Force to be reckoned with.
These are the two essential ingredients to success in any undertaking. If you want to be a great guitarist, you gotta learn your scales and chords, and then start playing in a band to apply them. If you want to start rock climbing, you have to learn how to tie your cords, how to handle belaying, and how to strap yourself into the harness. Then you get your ass in one and start climbing.
If you want to start dating beautiful women, you have to learn how to groom your appearance, establish your confidence, present your body language, and talk to women the way that communicates your High Social Value. But what if you don't know where to start?
This is a common problem for most guys. They don't even know how to walk up to a woman and talk to her, much less apply all the other
strategies of male-female interaction. Or, they just lack the confidence to go up and talk to a woman. Which, most often, is cured by turning off a lot of negative chatter in their brains, as well as giving them the tools they need so that they feel confident talking with beautiful women.
A moment ago I mentioned about all those mistakes I made early on in my dating life. There are also two ways you can learn from bad experience:
1) You learn from your own mistakes
2) You learn from OTHER PEOPLE'S mistakes
That advisor I told you about, the one I worked for, also taught me this valuable lesson. If you try to make all the mistakes everyone else has made, you're just going to waste time and energy. Don't re-invent the wheel. Get as much information as you can from someone who knows what they're doing so you can benefit from their mistakes. You can learn what it took 10 years for someone to discover in just a few hours by reading what they have learned. You owe it to yourself to read as much as you can get your hands on.
Successful with women?
Get Lucky With Carlos Xuma's Dating Black Book.
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